Trigger warning: Body image, weight, self-deprecation, eating disorder, racism, transphobia, homophobia
Dragonflies symbolize the ability to adapt to change and transform. Transformation is growth. Growth is living.
Our world dictates who we should be and what we should look like, it takes an extraordinary amount of courage to take up space as our authentic selves. This courage is something I have grappled with throughout my journey, struggling with issues of body image issues and societal expectations. It is also something I have seen mirrored in the experiences of others, most recently in the public outcry against Algerian fighter Imane Khelif, whose "masculine" appearance sparked unwarranted criticism on social media. It is something that I struggle with every day of my life; looking into a mirror and seeing a body that immediately repulses me.
From an early age, I struggled with the pressure to conform to an idealized version of beauty. I vividly remember the moments of self-doubt, the constant comparison to images that filled the pages of magazines and screens of televisions, images that painted an unrealistic standard of perfection. These images told me that my worth was intrinsically linked to how closely I could mirror these idealized forms. The journey to self-acceptance has been long and arduous, marked by moments of both despair and resilience.
As I aged into a system that idealized the "Barbie" body type, I quickly became aware that my body did not fit that mold. I was/am short and at the time was well over 350 pounds. I applied at law firms round the area I lived and even with my 4.0 GPA, I repeatedly saw the "skinny blond" get the job, while I was passed over. This led to more overeating and led me down a path of binging and purging that left my body wrecked and my soul depleted. I even militated by body with an evasive surgery that destroyed by ability to absorb nutrients from food. This impacts my health today and has led to a dependency on overdosing my body with vitamins in order to survive.
The public scrutiny faced by Imane Khelif brought these memories rushing back. Here was a woman who had achieved the pinnacle of athletic success, yet her accomplishments were overshadowed by a fixation on her physical appearance. The negativity directed at her for not fitting a narrow mold of femininity was a stark reminder of how far we still have to go in dismantling the toxic standards that govern our perceptions of beauty and worth.
This is not just about one woman; it is emblematic of a broader societal issue. The fear and hatred directed at those who do not conform to traditional gender norms, particularly those who are transgender, adds to this problem. Transgender individuals, often face heightened scrutiny and discrimination simply for being who they are. The intersection of these prejudices creates a toxic environment where people are judged not for their character or accomplishments, but for their ability to fit in a specific box that others have decided is the right way for a person to look.
As a cisgender lesbian, my connection to the LGBTQI+ community has deepened my understanding of these issues. I have witnessed firsthand the struggles of friends and loved ones who face discrimination and judgment based on their gender identity or sexual orientation. Our shared experiences have taught me the importance of allyship and the power of standing in solidarity with those who are marginalized. In my studies of the Goddess, she is also the voice, the protector and represents the marginalized. Our decision to work with her demands that we also provide this same protection to those who may not have the protection they need. It demands that we protect those that need us and we do not choose to align ourselves with those who would stand next to the road and cast stones at someone based on their body type or any other characteristic that today's world deems unattractive.
My spiritual path and devotion to the goddess Hecate have also played a significant role in my journey towards embracing authenticity. Hecate, the goddess of crossroads and transitions, embodies the virtues that guide me: compassion, courage, temperance, wisdom, and justice. Courage, in particular, resonates deeply with me. It is this virtue that empowers us to face our fears, to stand firm in our truth, and to challenge the societal norms that seek to confine us.
In a society that frequently marginalizes and ostracizes those who dare to defy conventional norms, embracing authenticity is a revolutionary act. It means rejecting the notion that our value is contingent upon fitting into a predetermined box. It means celebrating the diverse ways in which people can exist in the world, recognizing that there is no single "right" way to be a woman, a man, or any other gender.
As I reflect on my own journey and the experiences of those around me, I am reminded of the strength it takes to defy societal expectations. Imane Khelif, who was publicly ostracized for her appearance, embodies this strength. She stands as a testament to the resilience required to pursue one's passions and dreams in the face of relentless criticism. This struggle is also mirrored in the experiences of many Black women who are often unjustly told that their natural hair, bodies, and presence do not conform to "business-like" or "professional" standards. Society needs to stop dictating what is considered the "right" way to look. All body types, all skin colors, and all gender presentations should be appreciated in a loving, caring world.
To those who have ever felt that they do not fit the mold, who have been told that they are too much or not enough, I want you to know that your worth is not defined by the narrow standards imposed upon you. Your value lies in your uniqueness, in the courage it takes to be unapologetically yourself. The journey to self-acceptance is not easy, but it is a journey worth taking.
When we embrace our authentic selves, we challenge the foundations of a society that seeks to limit us. We create a world where diversity is celebrated, where people are free to take up space without fear of judgment. This is the world I strive to create through my work, my writing, and my daily interactions. It is a world where everyone, regardless of their appearance or identity, is seen, valued, and loved for who they truly are. You are seen for who you are. You are valued for just being in this space. You are important and you are loved.
May the Goddess guide your journey and the five virtues take you to a new place where all people are accepted for the unique amazing beings that they are.
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